Balance is Key
May 17, 2014
6:02 p.m. CST
Recently, while perusing my Facebook page, I came across a rant by a friend of mine. She had noticed a trend that is taking place in American society where children are being rewarded and given honors for attendance and participation, and where winning is not a goal. Everyone gets honored. Everyone gets an award. Nobody keeps score. My friend was upset by this and openly wondered what effect this would have on the children. Would they understand that life is different when they get older? Would they be confused upon becoming adults that everyone keeps score, even when it's not a game, and that game players are paid big bucks for WINNING?! Would they become confused about their role in life's events if they are not always out to win? This is not the first time I've heard this lament. I heard it first on a TV episode of "Everybody Loves Raymond" when Ray and his wife were expected to bring the treats to the children's sports games and they noticed that the children were getting awards just for participation even when the children were not playing the game properly.
Let's look at the opposite of this. The opposite of this is that everyone looks out only for #1....him/her self..... and only that self. We see this in society as well.... parents who don't take care of their children, people who abandon siblings or parents because there's no money in it or it's more expensive than they can afford or there's not sufficient time, or worse yet, they just don't care, insurance companies who deny coverage because a person's illness is pre-existing or more expensive than the insurance company wants to pay. They're just looking out for #1..... themselves.
Looking out for #1 involves more than just taking care of ones self first. It involves putting a value on yourself and devaluing others.
My point is the need for balance and finding it.
Another friend of mine asked me if I was republican or democrat. He mentioned that in some things he noticed that I have a rather liberal view of things. I told him that I don't see myself as either. I don't align totally with one or another. I said there are times when it is appropriate to hold back and be tight-fisted, and other times when it's appropriate to be generous. The trick is to be smart enough to know when. Being only liberal is a philosophy of only giving without regard to whether or not you have enough to give, and without regard as to whether or not the recipient needs what is given, and without regard as to whether or not the recipient can handle the gift properly. Being only conservative is a philosophy of never giving regardless of whether or not there is enough to give, taking the stance that all people are equally able to provide for themselves and their children regardless of circumstances, that all people are equally up to the challenges, that all people have equal circumstances, and is basically a philosophy of "no mercy", no giving, no generosity or as little giving as possible while still allowing to pat yourself on the back and tell yourself how generous you've been even though people are dying from their lack. Taking only to either side is imbalanced.
If you have any doubt that imbalance is rampant, all you have to do is look at the national debt, and how we came to be in debt. As a nation, we have first-world expectations of looking the part. America expects all it's citizens to have a standard in their dwellings, their roads, their lawns, their clothing. It's not enough for something to "just work". It has to fit the standard of "appearance". For example, when I rented my apartment I had to sign a lease. The lease includes a set of rules, not just of behavior, but of dress, upkeep, the contents of my yard, my garden, how and where I can earn money, and even my curtains. It's not enough to have my windows covered. The window coverings have to meet management's approval. In addition, I cannot have anything on my windows.... no signs, decorations, etc. The only exception is if the signage is of a life and death situation..... like if you're using oxygen equipment inside. Firefighters need such information before entering a burning building. But, I digress. American society is becoming less and less tolerant of those who don't conform to cookie cutter standards. We all want everyone to look like money is everywhere, and that we are all able to afford everything we need and want. But life isn't that way.
I'm not saying that there's never a good reason to go into debt. Everyone who has ever gotten a mortgage to buy a home knows what it was worth to them to own their own home. Everyone who has taken their child to the emergency room and left the hospital with an enormous bill they can't afford to pay knows their child was worth any price they have to pay.
There are times you have to go into debt. However, that doesn't mean that you can just throw all caution to the wind. If you go into debt, for any reason, and you don't have endless cash resources, something else must be sacrificed.
And this is where I go back to the beginning of my post. As parents, caretakers and educators, we must teach our children both sides, and how to be balanced. They need to know there is a time to give, a time to take, a time to be cautious, and a time to be generous. They need to know when it's appropriate to play without regard to the score, when and how to give of themselves without regard to what's in it for #1, and when they have no choice but look out for only themselves. They need to connect with other people, and to see themselves as part of the big picture, and play as a team. They also need to know when to narrow their view to only a few or to only one. Personally, for me, that will only be appropriate if I'm the only one alive, or when demanded to do something I know to be wrong.
Children don't magically raise themselves. They are not born just knowing these things. Even if you do tell them something, you can't just tell them one time and expect them to always remember. They need perspective. They need to see it in action. And they need explanations as to why things are the way they are, why things work the way they do, and when something needs to change, why it needs change. Children are naturally curious. They are always asking "Why?". Explain it to them. And remember, just because they turn into teenagers doesn't mean you're done raising them. Just because you have to work doesn't mean it's up to someone else to teach them things. They're your children. You are responsible for what they are taught. You're not exempt.
