Finding My Inner Warrior
May 18, 2013
5:40 p.m. CST
The last few years I've been hearing a lot about refusing to be a victim. It's been on talk, television and radio shows. I've seen it in Facebook posts. I've seen all sides: the drama kings and queens who are hurt by what is done to them or insults that have been thrown in their direction, those who find reason (in their own minds anyway) to harm others, those who see no excuse or reason real or imagined for crying or complaining, and even myself. I know. I have spent many years crying about things that have happened to me in the past.
I'm not going to pretend that really bad things haven't happened to me. They have and they still do.
I'm also not going to pretend that really good things don't happen to me. They have and they still do.
However, my point today is how to deal with the bad things. Honestly, what is the percentage of people who can't deal with good things?
I'm a little disturbed by people who have no room in their hearts for those who cry. I've seen many who rant and rave about all victims having a "victim mentality", that there is no excuse for anyone to cry about what has happened to them. And I've seen people who, having been victimized at some point in their lives, no longer accept calling themselves victims. Actually, that last group I rather applaud, at one level. I'm more concerned about the idea that for some, they don't accept tears from anyone. I get a little hot under the collar about those who get angry and abusive when another person cries.
I'm trying to find some balance.
I've come to understand over the years that there is a learning curve. First, we don't learn everything at once. We learn in spurts. Second, everyone learns at different speeds. Everyone is at a different point in their lives. Third, we all have different experiences. While there is some similarity and overlapping of experience from one person and the next, people are not identical in their comprehension, their personalities, or in the way the experiences are lived. And the events are not 100% identical either. Then there is the way that our respective cultures teach us to handle things.
I think it's a matter of attitude, and attitude can change. Actually, in order to deal with past injury, attitude must change. But why and how can anyone expect another to have a healthy attitude when the injury is still fresh in their minds? It took me a long time to start dealing with the losses I experienced almost 34 years ago. I'm still dealing with those things. Not every day is at the same level. Some days I slide backwards.
I've spent the last 34 years hearing people harping on me about acting like a victim, but I didn't know how else to be. I see myself as rather fortunate for finding the friends I have now. They have helped me see the path, the mental path, to getting to the place in my mind where I can change that attitude. I have been finding the warrior in myself. That's really the whole crux. You have find that part of yourself that is just that: a warrior. You have to go to war sometimes with the physical pain, or emotional pain. You sometimes have to mentally envision yourself growling at the inabilities, the disabilities, the shortcomings, the stress, the stressors, and tell them to f*** off! Get lost! Comply d*** you!
I can't see myself ever saying that I'm not a victim. To me, not being a victim means erasing that event from my past, making it never having happened. It also means making it as something that never colored my view of myself, other people, and the world. I can't erase those events. They happened. They have and continue to color my view of myself, other people and the world. I can't uncolor my views. I can change my mindset. I can refuse to have a victim mindset, but the event happened and that continues to color me as a past victim.
For me, there has to be room for everyone. I choose to be someone who can accept that some people are truly in pain and haven't learned yet how to deal with that pain. I can choose to be someone that can help. I can't help unless I can see and accept their pain as real and justified.
Sometimes I have a grip on being a warrior, but like everyone else who cries, sometimes I don't. What I find amazing though is that even when I am a warrior in one aspect, one kind of pain, I can still be totally flattened in something else. I guess even warriors can only fight one war at a time.
I'm not going to pretend that really bad things haven't happened to me. They have and they still do.
I'm also not going to pretend that really good things don't happen to me. They have and they still do.
However, my point today is how to deal with the bad things. Honestly, what is the percentage of people who can't deal with good things?
I'm a little disturbed by people who have no room in their hearts for those who cry. I've seen many who rant and rave about all victims having a "victim mentality", that there is no excuse for anyone to cry about what has happened to them. And I've seen people who, having been victimized at some point in their lives, no longer accept calling themselves victims. Actually, that last group I rather applaud, at one level. I'm more concerned about the idea that for some, they don't accept tears from anyone. I get a little hot under the collar about those who get angry and abusive when another person cries.
I'm trying to find some balance.
I've come to understand over the years that there is a learning curve. First, we don't learn everything at once. We learn in spurts. Second, everyone learns at different speeds. Everyone is at a different point in their lives. Third, we all have different experiences. While there is some similarity and overlapping of experience from one person and the next, people are not identical in their comprehension, their personalities, or in the way the experiences are lived. And the events are not 100% identical either. Then there is the way that our respective cultures teach us to handle things.
I think it's a matter of attitude, and attitude can change. Actually, in order to deal with past injury, attitude must change. But why and how can anyone expect another to have a healthy attitude when the injury is still fresh in their minds? It took me a long time to start dealing with the losses I experienced almost 34 years ago. I'm still dealing with those things. Not every day is at the same level. Some days I slide backwards.
I've spent the last 34 years hearing people harping on me about acting like a victim, but I didn't know how else to be. I see myself as rather fortunate for finding the friends I have now. They have helped me see the path, the mental path, to getting to the place in my mind where I can change that attitude. I have been finding the warrior in myself. That's really the whole crux. You have find that part of yourself that is just that: a warrior. You have to go to war sometimes with the physical pain, or emotional pain. You sometimes have to mentally envision yourself growling at the inabilities, the disabilities, the shortcomings, the stress, the stressors, and tell them to f*** off! Get lost! Comply d*** you!
I can't see myself ever saying that I'm not a victim. To me, not being a victim means erasing that event from my past, making it never having happened. It also means making it as something that never colored my view of myself, other people, and the world. I can't erase those events. They happened. They have and continue to color my view of myself, other people and the world. I can't uncolor my views. I can change my mindset. I can refuse to have a victim mindset, but the event happened and that continues to color me as a past victim.
For me, there has to be room for everyone. I choose to be someone who can accept that some people are truly in pain and haven't learned yet how to deal with that pain. I can choose to be someone that can help. I can't help unless I can see and accept their pain as real and justified.
Sometimes I have a grip on being a warrior, but like everyone else who cries, sometimes I don't. What I find amazing though is that even when I am a warrior in one aspect, one kind of pain, I can still be totally flattened in something else. I guess even warriors can only fight one war at a time.
