Natural End Results of First-World Expectations
October 23, 2011
5:50 p.m. CST
I remember when I was growing up, how my mother reacted to the idea of spending money. She was OK with buying food and used clothing. She was OK with paying the mortgage or rent. She was OK with buying really cheap shoes. And she was fine with paying the utilities. As her children, me and my siblings received brand new toys at Christmas, but the rest of the year, not unless they were given to us by other people, with the notable exception of our bicycles. As I endured my teenage years, and my parents had given up on the whole Christmas thing, we only were able to buy toys if we bought them ourselves out of money we had earned from doing chores and running errands for the neighbors. Doing chores and running errands for our parents did not earn us any allowance. We were expected to work at home for free. And my parents knew how to pile it on!
When I was in my early twenties, my mother had taken to hoarding items that she thought could still be used in some capacity "someday" or disassembled for parts that could be used "someday". For a few years before we moved from Chicago to a suburb of Chicago, mom had collected a couple hundred bicycles in the attic of our two story house. They were all broken. She figured that "someday" she would disassemble these bicycles and make new bikes of the still usable pieces or fix the bicycles of the neighborhood children. She never planned to charge for this. She just hated seeing anything go into the dump.
After we moved to the suburb, my mother started collecting shoes. No. She did not go to the stores and buy new shoes like Imelda Marcos. She collected shoes neighbors gave her because she had told them she could make good use of them. I don't know what possessed them to give her these shoes. I once told her I wanted to go to the discount store and buy some new shoes. She tried to get me to wear one of the pairs she had collected. The pair she tried to foist on me looked like someone had vomited on the shoes and then ran over them about a dozen times with a truck.
When I refused to wear these hideous shoes she offered me, she stated that there were people in Africa who desperately needed such shoes and would be glad to wear them. I told her to send them to Africa. I knew perfectly well that she was never going to pay money to send anything to Africa, and that if she did, the Africans would wonder why this woman from America hated them so much as to send them such inferior stuff. Even in third world countries in such extreme poverty, they have more self respect than to wear such items. But I got slapped for telling her to send them to Africa.
But there was a reason why she was such a hoarder. She did not hoard everything like people you see in the news or on extreme TV shows. She hoarded only items she felt someone somewhere could use or fix and use. She was born during the depression. She was the 11th of 14 children. Her parents often didn't have the money to buy things for them. During the 1930's, that was pretty common. Many people didn't have much. They learned the importance of saving. They learned the importance of reusing. They learned the importance of using something until it shredded. And they learned how to go without.
I laugh about it now, but it didn't seem funny at the time.
Things affect people in different way. While my mother bordered on traumatized by the depression of the 1930's and the 1940's, my father wasn't. He didn't mind spending money frivolously, when he had it. He just didn't usually have extra money.
My parents never had a checking account until after I opened my own checking account, when I was in my thirties. They had only 1 credit card that I ever knew about, but I don't think they ever used it. They always had savings accounts. And when they wanted to buy something, they saved for it. They rarely bought anything new, it was usually pulled out of a local dumpster or given to them. They only bought if it was on sale and couldn't find what they needed from a dumpster or generous neighbor. In my entire life, I've never seen my parents with a new car fresh from Detroit. Their 'new' cars always came with engine problems.
That's not to imply that they weren't in debt over their heads. Bad things sometimes happen. And they happen to everyone. Unemployment happens, sometimes when the person has done nothing wrong. Illnesses happen. Accidents happen. And hospital bills add up, especially when you have several children. Then people get older, and their health fails. The money has to come from someplace to pay the medical bills. It usually ends up on a credit card or added to their mortgage until the mortgage doesn't even remotely resemble the value of the house.
When I was raising my daughter, who is now 30 and moved away living on her own, I can remember my mother coming over to help me take care of my daughter while I was in college. Later, when my daughter had to work and needed a babysitter for her son, my mother would bring my grandson to my house to watch him. I had to be careful to throw the garbage away before she came over or after she left, because trying to throw anything away while she was in the house was disaster! She'd go through my garbage and throw a fit because I was throwing away broken stuff she thought she could fix. It always ended up with my mother confiscating my broken items and ragged clothing and taking them to her house and then the follow up calls would come from my father demanding to know why I had cursed him with sending my garbage to their house.
Things have changed dramatically since my parents were children, even though bad economic times are suffered cyclically. When my parents were children, there was a tremendous pride in being American. Their pride came from the belief that somehow Americans were smarter, more ingenious, more intuitive, more Christian, more educated, more moral, and more blessed by God than any other nation or people in the world. While they thought of themselves as being individuals, they saw the wholeness of society as more important than the hill of beans that constituted their lives. My parents were brought up to believe that all actions had to be weighed in consideration of what was best for all society, not just themselves or their families. They had the expectation that all people would, or at least should, do the same.
When things went wrong, and organizations did detrimental things which had negative effects on the family, it was generally unheard of that someone would file a lawsuit, especially if it only affected just a few. I know that lawsuits happened in higher societal circles, but it was not something that my grandparents' generation considered for common folks. If something bad happened, their first question was "What was my part in it? Did I do something to bring this on myself and/or my family? What will be the end result of a law suit on society in general, or my neighborhood, or my state, or my town/city if I file a lawsuit? Will taxes be caused to go up? Will other innocent people be harmed by the end result of a company having to pay for their mistake? And was that mistake so egregious?" The next step was asking "Is it really worth my time and effort and pain to follow through on this or would my time just be better spent forgetting about it and picking up the pieces and going on with my life? Would other people benefit from forcing the issue?"
By the time my parents were adults and raising children, things had changed, but not so dramatically in the legal arena. There were new expectations. Young people had the expectation that they could dress in clothing that was more 'rebellious'. They had the expectation that they could do whatever action they wanted and did not consider it their obligation to be role models for those children who may be watching them. They felt they could say whatever they wanted and cried 'Freedom of Speech'. But even with the changing attitudes and expectations, most of the young adults when I was a child realized that there was still merit to accepting that there had to be some natural order, that they were being watched by children and that children copy what they see. Parents generally took control of what their children watched on television, and the FCC had stringent codes for what could be televised. And no self respecting lawyer would take a case to court if there was any indication that his clients had any fault in the matter at all.
Growing up I can recall asking for things, and begging for things. Sometimes they were given, usually they were not. And of all the friends I had, I can honestly say that my young years were extremely similar to theirs. They did not demand. No parent would tolerate such behavior from a child. Few children received allowances. That was something found only in television broadcasts of "Leave It To Beaver" and other similar shows. Real children didn't get allowances. Economic times were relatively good when I was under the age of 10. Parents often gave their children the things they asked for, as long as it wasn't a demand.
Nationally speaking, the good economy was reflected in the national finances. Sure, we were in a little debt due to wars, but while our soldiers were fighting in other countries, we had a high employment rate at home. Our women went to work and produced the equipment and supplies for the soldiers and everything we needed on the home front. And what we saw ourselves as needing on the home-front during those times was far simpler than what we see ourselves needing today.
When I was young, adults had the expectation that they could hold the same job for their whole life. They had the expectation that they could work 40 or more hours per week. They had the expectation that they would have to save for their golden retirement years and that Social Security would not only be there to fill the gap, but that their savings would be the bulk of what they would be living on in their final years. They had the expectation that insurance companies would never turn them away, and their their health needs would always be met. They had the expectation that their government would be honest and would always do the right thing, not just for a few wealthy individuals, but for everyone. They had the expectation that government officials were honest. (Keep in mind though that I'm white, and white people traditionally have been at a different end of the spectrum in how the government has traditionally treated different races. I know. It's not a pleasant thing to have to admit. I'm just adding this as a reminder that everything I'm writing is from a white upbringing and how the world is viewed is just simply going to be different from somebody who is of any other racial background. I'm older now and know more about those inequities. I know. They weren't fair. They never are.)
My point is that there was an expectation that people act responsibly.
Now we fast forward to today. There are more lawsuits than ever before in history. People are winning lawsuits even when they themselves were at fault. You can go into any store in any town and find children running free, as if the store itself is expected to be a babysitter. Then people wonder what happened when their children disappear. Stores are now expected to have some sort of emergency system set up to keep pedophiles from escaping with a child, as if the store is responsible for the whereabouts of its' customers' minors. People walk out into traffic as if daring someone to run them over and think that a lawsuit win would be enough to cover their needs for the rest of their lives. Parents let their children play in the streets as if the street is meant to be a playground. The FCC has been pressured to lower it's standards for what is shown on television. In return we now have an expectation to find anything and everything available to our children to watch at any given time. Commercials now show both men and women wearing only their underwear as if such things are not supposed to be private. Young men walk the streets with their pants waistbands below the level of their butts, as if it's not an affront to anyone who has to watch where they are walking.
And for the record, men, I am not married to you, I am not engaged to you, I do not want to see your butt or your undies!
Woman walk around with too much of their boobs hanging out, often with their bras showing. In some states it's legal to walk around topless. We see ourselves as the richest nation on earth. We expect to live a lifestyle that exemplifies having that wealth. We want the fashions, in clothing, in shoes, in jewelry, in hairstyles. We want the latest gadgets, even if we don't have the personal wealth to afford it. We want the cars that attract attention. We want to be able to get to work without having to walk or take the bus. We want our homes to be attention getters, not just in general, but especially at Christmas, when we decorate for the season. We want our digital toys and music machines, and the music to play on it. Oh, and just to add insult to injury, we want to play what we want to play, consequences be damned if what's played causes someone to lose their bearings and kill a cop! Almost every household has a computer, many have flat screen tv's, and please! the list goes on and on. We are in debt over our heads, but we have the expectation of having these things. They are shoved in our faces daily on tv as must-have, as if we are simply not people yet if we don't have them.
Our madness has escalated to such a point that within this past year, and I don't know if this is true in every state, but in the state of Illinois, the department of Public Aid now gives free cell phones and free monthly minutes for those cell phones for public aid recipients if they don't already have a cell phone. Now on one hand, I can see how someone who is elderly or disabled may need to have quick access to public services. They are more likely to have health issues arise at the most inopportune times. But they are not handed out on a purely need-basis.
This level of expectation is unfortunately not limited to average everyday American citizens. It's at every government level, including the federal level. People buy homes in areas that are prone to flooding. Then they don't buy flood insurance. When the predictable floods come, the government is expected to come to their rescue, and provide housing, food, clothing, utilities, water, medical assistance, and jobs. All of these things cost money. And the expectation continues. I'm not saying that a government should not help. They should. It's the right thing to do. But the people have a problem with not expecting better levels of preparation of themselves.
The government imposes upon itself the expectation of the best military equipment, but strangle themselves with many layers of laws that force them to spend money on equipment that doesn't fit the need, is over budget, or outdated by the time the equipment is produced. The government also imposes upon itself the expectation of policing every other nation in the world. At what point did we become the world's police? I'd like to know. And what gives us that right to do that? We don't have the finances for that! We have other important needs at home!
Everyone has expectations. That's nothing new. Every political party has expectations. They differ. The Republicans understand that our finances will not cover the expectations of every group. They want to cut way back on all social programs at the expense of every person who has had the misfortune of being poor, sick, elderly, unexpectedly pregnant, female, raped or just not having lived long enough to reach voting age. The Democrats also understand that our finances will not cover the expectations of every group. They want to cut way back on national defense, waging war, reduce some other spending, although they don't have much in the way of plans as to where to make spending cuts. And the Tea Party is comprised of radical extremists. All sides want to increase jobs, and have different ideas as to how to implement that. Their ideas are flimsy at best. No matter how you increase jobs, money is going to have to be spent. Every strata of society has social needs. They all cost money. When this money is not spent on social programs, people die.
What I find particularly sad and outrageous, is that there are many wealthy people, and government officials who believe that we are all equally able to pull ourselves out of our current situations, whatever those may be. I find it egregious that government officials, our leaders, believe that there is no such thing as a person being too young, too old, or too sick to work. I find it appalling that we have congressmen who believe that all the poor 'want' to be poor. They often hold the idea that we are all equally cognizant of how money works, how banks work, how interest works....and can work against us and how investing works. They think we all know how to play the monetary systems, and that we all have the seed money to play the markets. It stupefies me that they would think that the vast majority of Americans prefer to wade in unemployment and having to beg for food at the charity food distribution centers.
I am angry that we have no laws barring companies from discriminating against those who are currently unemployed. I personally would like to see companies that have recently posted signs informing applicants not to apply for work if they are not currently employed to be forced to let a government agency do their hiring for them!
But my point is that we got into this mess because of our American expectations. We are not accustomed to scaling back and admitting that we are not the world's superhumans. We are not accustomed to saying "We don't have the money for this." We are painting ourselves into a corner, quickly becoming second world fodder. We are on the verge of collapse. Getting out of this is going to be painful, for everyone. We have to stop expecting the best, most expensive, most modern. We have to stop seeing ourselves as the model of extravagance for the whole world to emulate. We need to redefine what exactly is a "need" and what is "just something that would be nice to have."
We have sewers and bridges that are collapsing or on the verge of it. We have babies that need to be fed and educated. We have young adults that need to be taught parenting skills. We have teenagers that need to be taken off the streets and taught self-esteem and how to control and manage their lives, and their sexuality. We have men that need to learn that manhood is about taking responsibility, not about how many babies they can create and how fancy the chrome on their cars look. We need jobs. We need companies that don't fire loyal employees 6 months before retirement. We need full-time employment, not a list of part-time jobs that don't pay benefits. We need our taxes to be set realistically and fairly. We need to take more responsibility for preparing for disaster, because those disasters will come. It's not a matter of "if", but "when".
And to this end, we need leaders who don't bicker and bully each other like a pack of schoolyard bullies. We need our leaders to work together, not for their own agendas of what they think is "moral" according to their religious beliefs, but proper according to the constitution, and valuing all people, even those of differing political and religious views.
I'm so tired of the in-fighting. We need real leaders, not just those that wield power and prestige, but those who will just man-up and take responsibility. It's going to take more than one. It requires the input of ALL our leaders. And it only works if they WORK TOGETHER! And seriously, we need to lower our expectations!
I know there's a lot of blame put on President Barack Obama for not succeeding with the promises he made in his campaign to become president. But here's something to think on: every candidate who has ever campaigned to become president has made promises. No president yet has ever kept all his promises. Face it. He can't. Promises are made to make people understand the current goals of the candidate at the time of the campaign. All promises are made contingent on the president persuading congress to go along with his proposals. This is true of all presidents.
There is also the issue of national disasters. We have had more national disasters in the past 15 years affecting more people than at anytime in history. When a candidate makes promises, he cannot know beforehand what national disasters lie ahead. When those disasters happen, he must by necessity delegate his promises to the back burner. He has other more important issues to attend. Disasters always come first, and should.
I could be wrong, but it is my understanding that this is the first time in history that any one political party has conspired to defeat ALL proposals of a presiding president. Not only has the Republican Party conspired to defeat all proposals of President Obama, but it is done with no regard of the merit of his proposals. Incidentally, it is also the first time in history that America has had a black president. Coincidence? I think not!
